Tough Times

 It's been quite some time since I've been able to sit and actually express the way I've been feeling lately and how it's impacted my ability to move along.  Decisions are my biggest challenge.  Half the time I feel like I don't know where I'm going or when.  I'll sit around all damn day before I get up and start getting anything done.  The symptoms of whatever it is I'm experiencing are so much worse when my children are around.  They really don't know and I don't expect them to know the type of chaos that presents itself in my mind. My daughter will stand next to me and relentlessly ask me the same thing again and again.  She doesn't take being told no very well. She's very persistent and she tries the "whoa is me" whining, which in turn only pisses me off.  For instance she will say "well I was going to ask you but I know you'll just say no" or "fine, if you don't let me then I'm going to run in the road".  She threatens stuff like that and I don't know whether to ignore it or console her. It does scare me quite a bit. Especially as she grows older and starts going through menstruation. It seems girls are going through it much earlier in life than when I was young. Honestly it's probably safe to say that girls start getting the symptoms a lot earlier than the actual period. Being a female is tough and it's even tougher trying to raise one. When she is on it about something it makes things so much more confusing and complicated because even when I've already told her no she doesn't stop and neither does my brain of chaos. Additionally my sons tend express their wants and needs like for instance being hungry. When I'm already having a tough time making it through the day and one of my kids comes to find me and tell me that they're hungry it makes me livid. I get so sick of being in the kitchen cooking meals and washing dishes.  Cooking meals; washing dishes.