Posts

Age of Epiphany

  I don't know how to stop being mad at and hating myself so my children stop thinking that I hate them. The truth is I am so ashamed of my life and how I've gone no where.  Learning how to cope in society today from what it was for me growing up has been more than complicated.  The comments under my breath, the constant sighing, rolling my eyes, and acting as if it's the worst thing in the world that they ask me for anything when I'm busy.  It is true and for every reason, that my children think I hate them.  The thing about it is that it's not true at all.  I love them and I am mad at myself for not doing better for them.  They deserve so much better than what I've been able to give them. It's super important for our upbringing that every child has the experiences from both a male and female role model.  Realistically we need these role models until we're about 35.  It's possible there is much truth behind women needing less time though at age 35 w

Random journal entry.. date and time N/A

 Journal Entry: Unknown date and time. The mind is like a muscle exercising it makes it stronger with ability to expand. Cultivate a positive mindset. Very good things can happen from the most challenging battles or negative events. Gratitude- always give "thanks". Rather than wanting anything more be completely thankful for the life you live right now. Every season has a reason.  I've got to keep reminding myself that I'm doing the best I can do with what I know. There are so many reasons that I feel lost, incomplete, or not good enough. Every task I try to complete leads me off into another direction where I begin but don't complete a different chore.  Stuff gets moved around, left out (to use or just see what's available) and creates chaos for not only me though my kids as well. Many people prove how the world will try to control you. The most important information you need is: you're in complete control of you.  No one on this earth will ever hold powe

Into my next life..

  If there happens to be another life for me, I'd like to be born with the same knowledge I leave this life with. After living there's a few things I'd like to be aware of for my next life.   Granted I get one, I'd like to know how important it is to form a good reputation for yourself. Word of mouth is the most credible way to spread information. When you're good to people; when you act accordingly, treating people with respect even in their weakest moments, allows you to get the upmost respect. If I could I'd like to realize how important it is to do good in school so that I apply myself from the start. Can I know that true love wants to know you spiritually and intellectually before ever knowing you intimately and sexually?  In my next life I want to know more about my health, my mind, and my body. Reading body language will help me drastically. From the beginning I'll respect my mom, I'll show her more love.  I'll realize that my trauma's nee

One Special Day

  My daughter turns 6 on Sunday. This is actually the first year I've been able to do anything for her.  I want to make her day as beautiful as she is. 

More than Rural

Days like today I sit and wonder if New York officials get together and make up ways to fuck their people just to reap that money.  They've got to realize that New York is not all city. I personally live in a very rural area that doesn't have a transportation line.  There are no busses, no taxi's, no Uber's, no trains, or planes. Also there are no stores in walking distance to buy healthy food that is actually good for you and prevents disease and illness of all sorts. The closest store that still isn't in walking distance is a Dollar General and you've got to know that food isn't healthy and is probably the reason why most of America is sick.  Almost every kid has ADHD and it's becoming more and more common in adults.  Why? Take a look at the generations and what life was like when each was young.  There was a time when folks planted and grew their own food.  People raised their own cows, pigs, and chickens with intentions to feed their families.  As ti

I've gotta get it out somehow...

  The idea I've had for this blog is one that I've been procrastinating on for too long.  Originally I wanted a place to go, as a mother, to vent and talk shit about everything and anything that is weighing me down or causing me to be irritable.  Currently, life has been more of a struggle and I'm aggravated.  I don't like that I have no patience or that I can't seem to show my gratitude or love to anyone, not even my kids. I wanted a place to let some of the thoughts, memories, and feelings out from the pit of my stomach. Though, I must warn you, I am vulgar and have the tendency to unintentionally hurt feelings. Please forgive me ahead of time because even though I am pretty smart, I don't know everything so I'm always seeking a lesson in every aspect of my life. Every single situation, big or small, is one that I analyze. When there isn't an outcome that I could possibly think of and someone opens my mind to one, I get truly amazed and thankful.  With

deprivation (it's not what you think)

  Today has been one of those days where all of my burdens on myself have taken turns in waves surfacing and creating havoc in my brain.  Right now I'm trying to just practice putting into words to exert all of the thoughts inside my head.   The thing is, I'd like to see how descriptive I can be in the least amount of words and to do that requires complete uninterrupted focus which isn't easy to come by. There's a continuous battle I'm in with myself and the path I've chosen.  I'm bitter, angry, lonely, and sad.  (I'm sure my emotions are running wild seeing as I've not gotten laid in months).  I'm going to be 40 this year and the saying "you don't use it you lose it" is a motto for so many aspects of life.  This one being, my lady parts.  The sad part is that I'm always horny. So my attitude problem and the chaos erupting through my brain is actually withdrawal from dick and I'm starting to develop dick deprivation.   Who k