no mess, no stress

-

As I sit to ponder on it I've decided that people who are truly happy with themselves and their life are the ones that don't have much.  The less we have in our possession is the less we have to worry about. It makes me want to get rid of all these material items just taking up space in my apartment.  What causes me to keep memorabilia from farther back than I can even remember? The first few years of life are influenced so deeply by the behavior of the adult that is caring for us. Our influence at that age is so crucial to the rest of our lives.  It literally forms who we are to begin with and our experiences long after are how we grow and actually learn.  It takes a great loss for people to change who and what they are except for the vary rare ones who just want something bad enough that they decide to do whatever it takes to make it happen. The way I learn and the way I feel was programmed in me by way of the behavior of my parents when my brain was brand new. However they acted was seen and heard in us and ultimately created the way in which we handle certain aspects of life such as our hobbies, jobs, and relationships. I've not been in many relationships and I'm pretty sure the ones I have been in I've been very emotionally immature.  Rather than say anything I'll pacify or I'll hide how I truly feel because I don't like anyone else being upset.  Putting myself first is actually something that I'm currently working on because I haven't and I know with a little self care I can feel better and do better.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sit on the edge or jump..

-
Sometimes my heart bleeds over my good judgement causing me to continuously make decisions similar to all the others, always leaving me at square one.  I've been keeping a journal since I was 14 years old and when I go back in them to read I get to wondering about myself, and if I'll ever make the jump or if I'm going to continue hanging off the edge.  Something about the edge is spontaneous and fun but it only lasts for a minute per day.  The thing that seems to set me back is the view. From the edge the view is always familiar which is more than most people can handle. There is fear behind the jump because there's no telling where I'll land.  I know that I don't want to sit on a ledge waiting, wondering, and worrying.  Even if jumping doesn't land me right where I want to be, it's probably where I need to be to get where I'm meant to be.
Read more

I'm doin a-okay

-
 Lately I've been really trying to follow Mel with her Let Them Theory.  I'm going to buy that book. I already get the idea of it but I still like to read into the way others think of and tell a story. I'm aware that I look for aspects of myself in others and critique them. What confuses me is that it's me in the past I seek and then bitch about. There are so many parts of my past that I truly wish I could go back and change.  It makes me wonder if that's the reason I can't move on to a better phase. Personally I keep saying that my life will be less chaotic once I have a vehicle on the road.  Maybe it won't though.  There are internal feelings that vary in favor of buying a car or not.  I really need a vehicle in case of emergencies with one of my children. It's been 4 years that I've struggled getting them places they needed to be and it's the worst feeling in the world knowing your child needs something like the doctor or dentist though having...
Read more