It's a DuBarr Thing

 As a young girl and up through my teens I'd have thoughts about relationships, marriage, and kids, sure.  Like many other teenagers I wanted to test the waters.  The idea of being loved always inspired me to dream like a little girl but my dreams involved more nature, driving, sight seeing, sex, drugs, music, and so on.  Rather than buying a house with a white fence and starting a family I wasn't easy to be with so I spent a lot of my time doing things on my own.  Many people struggle immensely with even just the idea of being alone.  It's important never to fill the void but to be your own void.  I know for me it's the hardest thing in the world to be a good mom when your heart is breaking and I feel like that holds true for a majority of people in this world.  A lot of men grow up and want to feel like men.  They have an innate desire to provide and protect so I believe it's safe to say that they seek out prospects that help them fill those needs just the same as

 From the time we're born until about 4 or 5 is the most crucial time in life for adapting to our environment and building our personalities and our character.  The life and mindset of the person/people who are raising us has everything to do with who we become.  As time goes by we meet new people and gain new insight to a much bigger world than we had originally thought. While a father can have just as much influence on a child, it's the mother that has an initial connection to him or her.  From the moment that baby opens their eyes and glares into the eyes of their mother through all the days that come after, she is everything to him.  As a baby grows they learn that they are a person, a person who is entitled to have whatever they want.  Babies are under the impression that the world revolves around them.  Unless they are shown and taught otherwise they continue to grow up thinking this which creates a real problem when they get older.  Having children requires time and pati

Somewhere along the line it was brought to my attention a way of adapting to a more appreciative lifestyle is to write down 3 things I'm thankful for each day.  There have been many days I've followed through and many I have not.  There's nothing so specific that I could say this blog is about because thoughts and concerns in my mind are all over like a ride at the fair grounds.  Get your ticket and get in line because even if you don't get motion sickness you're about to.  It's how I've been living almost every day since I brought my daughter home from the hospital.  My daughter was born in May of 2018.  I've never in my life felt the way I've felt since then.  A friend of mine believes that I've had postpartum depression that's never been treated and she just might be right.  I've always had some depression but I've never felt so defeated.  These days, I find that I feel much better than 3-4 years ago when it was at it's peak. 

 Every single day I get annoyed with my children.  I'm also mad at myself every single day because I get so annoyed.  It's got to be confusing for them if it's definitely confusing for me.  I just don't really know what I can do to manage and deal with the every day stress of being a mom 24/7.  In my world there is no breaks, we identify as adults, and the word "bored" isn't in our vocabulary.  There is always something to do.  It has occurred to me on multiple occasions that I need to embrace and appreciate my life and my children more because there's going to come a time when it will fade and I'll miss this. I do know that I need to make those good and happy memories now so they have a better way to remember me when I'm gone. ~live a life you want to be remembered by~ LL Think about it.  When you're gone, how would you want to be remembered?

There's days when I literally think that I'm the only one in the world going through life with such particular struggles and then there are days like today when I think that I better start getting some of this bottled up emotion out; share what I've learned and what I've been through because it's likely there's thousands of other people who are also at a sort of stance in their life.  I used to vent here and there thinking I'd benefit, which I did, though, only through my own expressions.  It's come to my knowledge that it's better to be ready and prepared for the adventures ahead.  Right now it's hard for me to plan out my future as I'd like to see it.  In my opinion I feel like it's become pretty hard on everyone to follow through with one set path towards a goal.  Paths can shift into a total different direction and will often happen when you least expect it. I fear the next drastic change to my life.  I know that always thinking negat