It's a DuBarr Thing

I've not been myself lately.  The things I've been doing are going to be traumatizing to me in some way eventually.  This is not the life that I pictured; this is not the life that I thought I'd have.  I don't like to say that I didn't work hard enough because I put in so many hours at the nursing home and spent so many days, evenings, and nights away from my kids.  Many mornings I was up 3 or 4 o'clock to be at work by 6 or 7. I used work to escape the discomfort I felt at home. There was quite a few times when I'd either volunteer or be mandated to stay for an extra shift. A regular day I'd leave at 2 or 3 though many days it could have been any time between then and 11:00 pm.  The life I have now is completely different.. I'm just not sure what to do with myself.  I stay up way too late and sleep most the day, then get up pissed off because I did nothing I was supposed to do.  What am I doing to myself but making choices that are hurting me more t...

  Post-partum depression was something I didn't experience until my last child.  I'm unsure if the fact that she's a girl had anything to do with it.  My first two children were boys.  Each of my kids has widely opened my eyes to new meanings in life.  My firstborn and oldest son more or less grew up with me.  Although I was smarter and one of the more responsible around my age I still made some horrible decisions.  Some people wouldn't change a thing looking back.  Not me.  If I could go back and make different choices, I would.  There's no doubt about it.  I have regrets, but I also am smart enough to know that I can't dwell on them.  By dwelling on them I'd just be holding myself back from new experiences.  The only way I'll be able to live each day is by accepting those regrets as the choices they were; the lessons they've been for me.  It's not easy to do and some days the battle wears me out.  Growing up I ...

Don't be a critic of individuals, be one of humanity... Addiction, in its myriad forms, is an aspect of human behavior that we all grapple with to some extent. From substances to technology, we find ourselves drawn to what evokes pleasure or eases discomfort. This isn't just an observation; it is a profound reflection of our shared humanity. While some habits pose significant risks, it’s crucial to recognize the underlying factors that drive these behaviors.  It’s essential to approach the topic with empathy and understanding. Each person carries their own story of influence, shaped by the surroundings and people who guided them, whether deliberately or inadvertently. With every experience, we absorb lessons, leading to choices that ultimately shape our futures. Understanding this complex web of addiction can inspire us to foster healthier habits and create supportive environments for ourselves and others.

I'm not sure exactly the point at which I realized that I deserved to be who I am, feel the way I feel, as well as anything I desire to work for.  Just like I have learned that I am in control of my happiness and have no control over anyone else's. I've learned that it's okay to tell someone "no". How they react from there is their own choice. If they don't like that answer, too bad.  That's on them.  However they react isn't even my business and I should never be sorry because they're angry or throwing a fit.  The answer is "no" and don't be sorry. Experience has taught me that many times we will be heading down one path, having one destination.  People fear change, they fear the unknown.  Where there is fear there is sorrow.  90% of the world are genuinely good people with good intentions.  Good people go through bad times,  It's important for everyone to always try to have a back up plan.  A lot of choices made now should h...